The Little Green Light
Well these days as pastors look out over their sanctuary they're not preaching to the choir..... or the ushers or the worship leaders or the congregation; or so it would seem.
It would seem they were preaching to no one at all, as they read the Word of God and prayerfully communicate a message of hope, all the while focusing on a tiny green light in front of them. The camera.
God taught me a distinct lesson early on, when I had decided that I was going to seek a relationship with Him on my own. This would require no church, no service and no people. I affectionately call it my freelance period with God. I had all the misguided ideas that many have about the church today. Its filled with hypocrites, they just want another volunteer and of course the ever present opinion that ....they only want my money. I had a quick response to anyone that wanted to know why I stopped going to church....except God.
The distinct feeling came over a period of time and progressed with intensity. I should go back to church. I might go back to church. I must go back to church. When finally I couldn't take the prodding any longer the decision was made; it was time to go back to church. Interestingly enough my husband shared that he was feeling the same pull. That made the conclusion simple; we would find a church and start going again.
Now both of us had grown up going to church every Sunday. We knew all the prayers the songs and all the details that made up "church life"; but the idea of going back to church felt like endeavoring to visit a foreign land. A land where the indigenous people would look at us suspiciously. A place where the culture was that of judgement and disappointment. "What do you mean you stopped going to church a few years ago?" I imagined "them" saying. "Them"....those church people.
Well you can imagine the shock when we walked into our new found church and were greeted with smiles and hugs! At one point I even thought perhaps I had actually met some of these people previously and had forgotten. They greeted us as old friends and the warmth of the greeting captivated me.
Regardless we sat in the back row, closest to the door. My one stipulation was that we would not sign up for anything! No volunteering, no bible studies, no small groups. We were just coming on Sunday for service and that was it.
From our back row seat we began to relax our suspicions and allow the Spirit to move us, and moved we were. I found myself in tears at one point as the distinct feeling came over me that we were HOME. The following week came and we went back. My one stipulation went quickly out the window as I picked up the communication card and signed up for EVERYTHING; a bible study, small group and volunteer position. We were home and I was never happier.
God showed me very obviously that the main ingredient that was missing in my spiritual quest to be in relationship with Him, was to be in community with His people. My faith exploded and as the years went by I started to feel God calling me to something more; ministry. I had gone from church volunteer to employee, leaving behind a medical career and taking on several different leadership opportunities along the way; each time wondering if my efforts would suppress the message that was coming through now loud and clear. I was being called to be a pastor.
I answered the call to seminary and began classes in a non specific 66 credit Masters Degree program under the major called "Christian Ministry". My continued answer when asked what I would do with my MA in Christian Ministry was "I don't know..I just know I'm supposed to be here." The truth was I knew I was in the wrong major. I knew God wanted me in the Masters of Divinity program, but my excuse was that it was a 96 credit masters degree that I just didn't have time for or could afford. I couldn't even afford to take the classes I was in and relied upon a small scholarship and every penny we could scrape together each semester. But the call that God was putting on my heart was strong and so in my continued quest to negotiate with God I interpreted that my call was to be a Deacon.
It took me a few more years of prayer, contemplation and negotiations with God before I realized with no uncertainty that when God wants you to do something specifically... He doesn't give up. I was at a point where the tiny uncertain steps I was taking were making me feel I was moving in circles going nowhere fast.
I was hitting walls in several different things going on in my life until one day alone in my family room I made a tear filled proclamation that would change everything. I said "Ok God...I'm tired of negotiating and arguing with you...I surrender! Do with my life what you want, I'm done doubting!"
That Monday I changed my major to Masters of Divinity; a 96 credit degree course specifically designated for...you guessed it....pastors! I did this even though I had also realized I didn't know how I would afford to pay for the next semester. I had promised to stop doubting and have faith. I also made it known to the District office that I was being called to be a pastor. The track of ordained ministry that I was on was adjusted.
A week later I received an incredible call from the seminary. As I stood next to my desk with my phone to my ear, they told me that an anonymous donor wanted to pay for my entire seminary education....books and all. My legs became week and I had to sit down. The girl from the seminary office and I cried on the phone together. I couldn't believe this incredible blessing and neither could she! She said she was never happier to make a phone call. I said I was never happier to receive one!
Within another week I received a call from the District....they had a church for me. What I had held at bay for years was finally being set free. Gods will for my life was unfolding. My surrender to God in my family room that day changed my life. I have had the opportunity to work in a few different churches and learn an incredible amount of things in a short period of time. I'm now joyfully a pastor of a beautiful church and feel God working in and through my life in many different ways.
But here I am today....preaching to a green light. The person that didn't want to go to church years back feeling the ache of an empty sanctuary. Missing the hugs of my church family and craving the interaction of this beautiful church I now call home.
As the green light glows and my heart aches, I realize the profound journey that God has lead me through. The understanding that community matters and relationship in the Body of Christ builds in us the strength to follow Gods will. I would never be where I am, in the will of God, if it wasn't for my church families along the way. It was the deep friendships, the many bible studies, small groups and wise words that gave me the strength to proclaim to God "Do with my life what you want God!"
So I look forward to the day we will all be together in person again with great anticipation! I also realize that we have not stopped being the church as we continue to connect in virtual ways. Like any good family where there is a will there is a way, and we have certainly found many ways to continue our ministry together online.
My prayer is that God work through each and every one of us, into each others lives. That we may each find strength in our loving church family to say to God "Do with my life what you want" and then joyously walk together in the beautiful bloom of that proclamation!
I promise...beautiful things come when we trust our lives to God.
Blessings,
Pastor Patti
Comments
Post a Comment